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Joe Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.
- - - Muhammad Ali
I look at my friendship with her as like having a gall stone. You deal with it, there is pain, and then you pass it. That's all I have to say about Schmadonna.
- - - Sandra Bernhard (about Madonna)
He has so many fish hooks in his nose, he looks like a piece of bait.
- - - Bob Costas (about Dennis Rodman)
I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized to how many people he is not a sex symbol but a mother image.
- - - David Bowie
I'm glad I've given up drugs and alcohol. It would be awful to be like Keith Richards. He's pathetic. It's like a monkey with arthritis, trying to go on stage and look young. I have great respect for the Stones but they would have been better if they had thrown Keith out 15 years ago.
- - - Elton John (about Keith Richards)
Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.
- - - Donald Trump (to Larry King)
I'm not having points taken off me by an incompetent old fool. You're the pits of the world.
- - - John McEnroe (to tennis judge Edward James)
A cross between an aardvark and an albino rat.
- - - John Simon (about Barbra Streisand)
If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.
- - - Joan Rivers (about Yoko Ono)
You can't see as well as these fucking flowers - and they're fucking plastic.
- - - John McEnroe (to a line judge)
What other problems do you have besides being unemployed, a moron and a dork?
- - - John McEnroe (to a spectator at a tennis match)
You're like a pay toilet, aren't you? You don't give a shit for nothing.
- - - Howard Hughes (to Robert Mitchum)
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
- - - Don Rickles (to David Letterman on 02/5/96 "Late Show")
The only reason he had a child is so that he can meet babysitters.
- - - David Letterman (about Warren Beatty, 1991)
What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?
- - - Ronald Reagan (about Clint Eastwood
running for mayor of Carmel)
Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of wet toilet paper.
- - - Rex Reed (about Marlon Brando)
He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.
- - - Johnny Carson (about Chevy Chase)
He acts like he's got a Mixmaster up his ass and doesn't want anyone to know it.
- - - Marlon Brando (about Montgomery Clift)
He is racist, he's homophobic, he's xenophobic and he's a sexist. He's the perfect Republican candidate.
- - - Bill Press (about Pat Buchanan)
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