(Clever Retorts and Sarcastic Responses
to Insults)
Insult: Fuck you.
Response: No, fuck you, it's cheaper.
Insult: Hey, you're not much of a looker, but I'll have you.
Response: Thanks. You must be very open-minded. Was that how your brain slipped out?
Insult: Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Response: Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
Insult: You're very attractive even though if you were any more vacuous your head would implode.
Response: If you were a little bit more intelligent you'd still be stupid.
Insult: Today, by myself, twelve people I have beaten.
Response: By the size of your gut, I'd guess they were eaten.
Insult: My ninety-eight year old grandmother has bigger arms then you.
Response: Yeah. but we both got better bladder control then you do.
Insult: Hey, look over there!
Response: Yeah, yeah, I know, it's a three headed monkey. What does your mother want anyway?
Insult: Please talk to me so that creep over there will leave me alone.
Response: I just said that to someone about you.
Insult: People consider my fists lethal weapons
Response: Sadly, your breath should be equally reckoned.
Insult: Only once have I met such a coward!
Response: He must've tought you everything you know!
Insult: You're the ugliest creature I've ever seen in my life!
Response: I'm surprised you never gazed at your wife.
Insult: My forearms have been mistaken for tree trunks.
Response: An over-the-counter defoliant could help you with that problem.
Insult: Mind if I plug my laptop into your modem socket?
Response: Isn't amazing how small they can make them, these days?
Insult: You don't sweat much for a fat lass.
Response: I will when I start running away from you.
Insult: Your arms are no bigger than fleas I have met.
Response: So that's why you're scratching, I'd go see a vet.
Good comebacks to lame pick-up lines:
Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Woman: Ya, becuase apparently I landed on your head.
Man: Im gonna show you heaven tonight!
Woman: Not if i show you first, Pass me that knife.
Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized !
Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
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