Sarcastic Quips (page 2)
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There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.

You grow on people, but so does cancer.

You have a nasty speech impediment…your foot.

You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.

You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.

You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.

You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.

Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

You are not even beneath my contempt.

Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

I like dogs too. Let's exchange recipes.

If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

You look like shit. Is that the style now?

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!! You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.

What to submit sarcastic insults for this section? Bite me!

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